This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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