Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
