I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
