thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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