but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Operation Purity has been aborted
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
