I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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