I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
