so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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