So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
