I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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