is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
