Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
