Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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