yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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