I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
