I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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