I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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