I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
