My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
