My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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