Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
