what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
