Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
