Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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