He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
