the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
