my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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