i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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