I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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