you guys were way drunker than both of me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
