I hate your face
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
