My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
