Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
