so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
