people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
