I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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