i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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