my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
