At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
