Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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