is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
