I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
