Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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