Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
