You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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