Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
