Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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