No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
