I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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