Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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