so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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