Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
