Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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