Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
