I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
