booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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